As usual the news is all about politics. It got me thinking, if I ran for government what would I change?
I know, if I became Prime Minister it would probably signal the beginning of the end for humanity, but indulge me.
Anyway, I think I would stand for parents, Mums especially, if I ran for government.
What would I change I hear you ask? (Well you probably aren't asking that, but bare with me...)
Well I made up my Mama Lucy Legislation for my Mum-overnment! (Bare in mind this is a bit tongue in cheek)...
Fines and prison sentences for people that give funny looks or tut over breastfeeding Mums in public.
I may not have been lucky enough to successfully breastfed but if I had then I think the threat of funny looks over breastfeeding in public would have made me anxious. Even though breast is best is so heavily pushed by the Government it isn't backed up with normalising breastfeeding in public! So I think anyone who tuts or discourages public breastfeeding in anyway should get a fine and one night in prison. Yes breastfeeding jail would happen under my rule... and all they would get given for food would be bread.... and milk! ;)
Free coffee for new parents.
Government funded coffee from Starbucks for all new parents. We are nurturing tomorrow's leaders, doctors and teachers... We deserve coffee to make it through the sleepless nights.
Midnight feed hotline.
We parents need support through those sleepless nights. We need a service that connects us to other parents during the wee hours of the morning. We could do with someone to moan to who understands the utter exhaustion and can be sympathetic. I needed someone to say "dont kill your snoring Husband as he blissfully sleeps through another night time feed, because one day you will like him again... maybe not now, but one day, when your baby sleeps through the night..."
1 day of free nursery care, per month, for the first 3 months.
The first 3 months of parenting I only got one thing done well: keeping my baby alive and well. And that is pretty great, but the washing, cleaning and my hair barely got done. I would give all parents one free day of nursery each month for the first 3 months. So that parents can get the essentials done. Hell, use the day to sleep because we all know you won't be getting much of that.
Free washing powder for parents with weaning babies.
By the time weaning comes along you probably don't have one item of clothing without a baby related, permanent, stain on it. But when you wean, nothing stays unstained/clean. Between weaning nappies (just don't ask if you aren't there yet) and baby food stains then you won't have one thing in your whole house without a stain on it. I would give all parents free washing powder for the first month of weaning... And just generally wish you luck.
Free back massage 3 months after giving birth.
By the time you have hit three months post partum you have a healthy sized baby, not a teeny tiny new born as light as air. Nope, if you are like me, you have a heavy baby boy that wiggles constantly. Picking him up is like lifting weights all day. It is killing my back! I am sure I am not the only one, so under Mama Lucy legislation all Mums get a free 1 hour massage three months after giving birth. Preferably by a sexy hunk called Sven...
Special on call doctor helpline for neurotic new mums.
I cant count the number of times I could have done with a hotline about one silly concern or another during the first 3 months... I think having a medical hotline specifically for new Mums may actually free up a lot more Doctor appointments.
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| Source: fowllanguagecomics.com |
I think that anyone that goes through labour and then has to get used to looking after a new baby deserve some help. So under my rule all new parents get a weeks worth of maid service and prepared food for free! I might even get Jamie Oliver preparing the meals.
Fines for people who ring doorbells on sleeping babies.
Finally got that baby to sleep and some family member comes over wanting a hug... they ring the doorbell and the baby is awake again. Screaming. Well I say report them and they get fined for such evil acts against parents!
The genius behind my plans are that the costs of these services are paid for by the fines I introduce and I plan to tax cakes... Yes, this may sound crazy. Why would I tax cakes?
Well as a Mum I eat a lot of cake. Like. A. Lot... So I would be happy to pay a bit more on cake in order to get all the perks above...
Anyone with me? Should I run for government?
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